How We Build Character in Children

by Charles Debelak

When we teach young children about justice, we are actually teaching them how to be responsible, first toward themselves, then toward others, and finally toward different social settings. Certainly justice will assume deeper meaning as children mature. But when children and young adults are just starting a journey on the path of justice, their first step is to understand what is the right thing to do, and then to do it. Figure out how you are supposed to behave and do it.

As a teacher, when I work with children or young people, I remind them often to think about how they should conduct themselves to align with the needs of their environment. “What are you responsible for? How should you act in this setting? Should you talk or should you remain quiet? What are you supposed to be doing right now? What are the needs, requirements, and expectations of this moment? What does the teacher want from you? What responsibility do you have toward your friends?”

I also remind them, “It doesn’t matter how you ‘feel’ about your responsibilities. It doesn’t matter whether you are passionate or not toward your responsibilities. Your responsibility is your responsibility. Just do it. Period.”

As noted above, children who are taught to be just, will be learning how to assess the needs of their social and personal environments. They ask themselves, “How should I conduct myself in this setting? How should I treat others? What is expected of me?”

Such reflection is normal. It is healthy, and young people who think and act in this way, become beautiful rays of light that shine in the midst of a self-absorbed, selfish, blame-the-other-guy, finger pointing culture. They are treasures often admired by others.

To this end, parents should not be afraid to give their children age-appropriate responsibilities at home, at school, among friends, among family members, and in any other social setting. Nor should they be afraid to hold their children accountable. Of course when being held accountable to their responsibilities, children will whine, complain, and tell you that you are the worst mom or dad in the whole world. But you may respond, “Perhaps I am such a terrible person, but you are still going to set the dinner table and help wash the dishes.”

The pathway toward becoming a just human being in adulthood begins with practicing responsibility at a young age. Teaching and training “justice” is hard work. It is so much easier to let children do whatever they like. Just make them happy. Avoid confrontations. Yes, it is easier – much easier. But intuitively we know this is not the pathway to build morally just and responsible adults. There is no magic. Cultivating young people guided by justice will take time, commitment, and perseverance.

This article was written by Birchwood’s Head of School Charles Debelak to provide parents with information about sound educational principles and child development issues gleaned from history, contemporary research, and his 50+ years of educating, coaching, and counseling children, young adults, and parents.
 
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