The Potential To Become Great - Part 4
THE POTENTIAL TO BECOME GREAT
The Cardinal Virtues – Just Toward Responsibilities
The first cardinal virtue is justice, or being “right.” In the past two months, we discussed two aspects of justice – being right toward self and being right toward others. The third aspect of justice is to be right toward our responsibilities, that is, to fulfill our obligations, and to do them well.
Assuming and fulfilling one’s responsibilities is a sign of maturity. If we teach our children to accept and bear basic responsibilities in childhood, they will become dependable young adults. And if they bear their responsibilities well in adolescence, they will be competent to assume even more responsibility in adulthood and thus become those upon whom family, friends and colleagues can depend. People who are just toward their responsibilities are pillars of families and society.
Immature people are irresponsible people. They require external supervision because they cannot be trusted to do their work, much less to do it well. When found in adults, irresponsibility is deplorable, and very hard to remediate. Children are different. We know they are immature and we expect them to be irresponsible; but they can be taught and trained at an early age to identify their responsibilities and be dutiful.
Responsibility is a habit that requires teaching, training, and the persistence of parents and teachers who are willing to sacrifice so that their children can develop this important virtue. Let’s face it, there is something in our human nature that avoids responsibility. At first look, the path of least resistance is always more pleasant. Therefore, absent any teaching or training, irresponsible children will, by default, become irresponsible adults – a disappointment to themselves, and a pain in the neck to everyone else.
To thwart this default mode, parents must expect and insist upon responsibility. Children need manageable and carefully defined expectations. They can learn responsibility for “things”, such as the care of their toys or the task of clearing the dinner table. They can also have responsibility for people, at least in small ways, like playing with a younger sibling to free up Mom’s time. My favorite (as a teacher) is to tell children they are responsible to do their school work and to do it well. It is their “job” – not their parents or their teachers - to do their best at school.
But having laid this responsibility at the feet of our children, we should also understand that by-in-large they are unable to fulfill these obligations. Rather they need the support and strength of their parents. In fact, it will be the perseverance and will-power of parents that enable children to learn responsibility and develop it as a habit. To this end, I would suggest three efforts.
First, build up a family culture and language for assuming responsibility. Define and articulate manageable responsibilities. Then be firm, insist on fulfillment. Second, supply the will power and strength to enable your child to carry out his responsibilities. He cannot do it on his own. He needs your watchful eye, your time, and your energy to guide him toward success. Don’t blame your son or daughter if they are not responsible. It is you, the responsible parent, that must sacrifice in order to enable them to learn how to be responsible. Finally, illustrate to your child examples of faithfulness and responsibility. Daily news, popular magazines, or observations from daily life provide rich models. Even use yourself or other family members as examples. Children will not recognize responsibility unless someone points it out to them again and again and again.
It will be by your own perseverance toward this sober responsibility, that your own children will become responsible and hence, virtuous, someone whose life elicits respect and honor.
By Charles Debelak
